In the last few days I have run into a coincidence of situations where someone has tried to psychologically strong-arm me – railroad me into their agenda.
I have tried to stand up for my position without being rude or unkind, but I have come across some dilemmas as well.
I love what Lao Tsu says in the Tao Te Ching about the Valley Spirit – with a humble spirit seeking always the lowest place, flowing like water round the blocks with no fight or blame. I hold in mind that Jesus said that we must ‘turn the other cheek’ if someone hits us on one cheek; that we are to be known for our gentleness and humility. As it says in that passage in Philippians 4 I love so much, ‘Let your forebearance/tolerance/gentleness be known to all.
But last week, when I had to stand up to an arrogant person’s attempts to usurp some ministry I was engaged in, I was intrigued to find how hard it was to stand firm and practice the Valley Spirit at the same time. I felt angry with him, I found the situation exasperating and frustrating, I felt indignant – and I simply could not untangle how I had felt from how I had behaved. I don’t know, even with hindsight, if I was courteous but firm, or if I sounded stroppy and provocative. Odd, isn’t it? I’d have thought it would be easy to tell.
Then, this morning, filling my car at the petrol station (I have a car again now, to my own surprise – the things I was sent here to do asked it of me), the man at the pump ahead of mine, keen to leave in his large vehicle that was boxed in front and back by me and another customer, reversed his car into mine not once but twice! As I stood there! When I started forward and reached out to tap the flat of my hand on the back of his car to alert him to my presence and objection, instead of stopping to apologise he hi-tailed it out of there so fast his tyres screeched. I took his number, and when I went in to pay I verified that CCTV was in operation on the forecourt, then I went down to make a complaint at the police station. I was very, very cross.
He had done only minimal damage to my car – cracked number plate, scuffed bumper paint – and I did not wish to claim for a repair. If he had apologised I should have understood entirely; it’s very difficult to get out of a tight space like that – but, you just wait, don’t you? It’s not a fairground game of Bumper Cars!
It was obvious to the staff at the filling station and the police lady that I was intensely annoyed: but I wasn’t rude about him and didn’t call him any nasty names, just explained that I wanted an officer to go and speak to him simply so that he might come to own the thought that there will be a comeback if you reverse deliberately into someone else’s vehicle then hurry away to prevent them remonstrating or pointing out damage.
The only thing I think I did wrong in the whole affair was that when the police lady asked me for my own number plate (W899GFG) I explained to her how I remember it. I should explain that in the UK our emergency services callout number is 999. So, courtesy of helpful suggestions from my family, my memonic is ‘Wilcock, almost-an-emergency, Good-F***ing-Grief’. The police lady did not smile when I imparted this information to her, and I knew immediately I should not have used that word (though it certainly does help me remember my car registration number!). I am truly sorry about that, and I shall remember and won't do it again. What interests me, though, is that I should not have thought twice about saying it or what she thought of me if I’d been wearing my hair loose and my old jeans-and-T-shirt.
My clothes admonish me!!! Speaking clothes! George Fox said ‘Let your lives preach’. My clothes preach! They are converting me. It’s working!
But I am left with some questions about my responses in general – indignation… exasperation… intense annoyance… frustration…
It has become clear to me that I do not have a state of serenity and equilibrium that allows me to field these ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ with nonchalance.
In addition, what is not clear to me is what the humble and converted soul is supposed to do about bullying and anti-social behavior? How are we supposed to respond? It seems that following it up, and standing in the gap saying ‘Thou shalt not pass!’ is an important part of re-training people in the direction of structuring society after the framework of the Peaceable Kingdom. But I could just be self-righteous and arrogant.
Hmmm.