There are a couple of things that I can credit as having helped get me to the place that I find myself today. Books top the list, they just seem to leap into my hands! Walk into Walmart for sponges, pens, maybe some kitty litter... instead walk out with 3 new books that I can't wait to delve into, it's uncanny! ;) The books I read now, feed me. I can feel my spirit grow stronger with each sentence of knowledge that I swallow, each new concept that I chew on. I think this is what I've been searching for. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle began my foray into non fiction, and it was a heavy one to embark upon. Thank God I did. I would still be lost in the abyss of panic if I hadn't. I'm grateful everyday that Oprah picked that as her book of the month back in 2008.
But it isn't the only thing that guides me. I have a piece of everyday reserved for a practice that renews, balances and refreshes me daily: my morning meditation. I realize this comes up frequently nowadays, and for those who feel they can't make the time, it probably sounds like hippie hogwash. Those who meditate, however, know differently. It's a chance to connect to something bigger than you everyday, to channel that energy, to balance and heal, without ever needing to leave the comfort of your personal space. If fact, it opens that connection so wide, that I can find it in moments of stress, or the general busy-ness of life, when I need to be brought back home. Back to peace.
I reserve an hour each morning. I don't always meditate for that long, but I have the time open to me should I need it. The girls start their schoolwork while I head upstairs, because quiet is a must. Everyone in the house knows that when I say "I'm meditating", and shut my door, they'd be wise not speak in a voice above a whisper. I've created a space for myself that radiates peace. The colors of my room are a soothing shade of light blue/green (Harmony VOC free paint, available at my local Sherwin Williams store!), and white that makes me happy every time I walk in there. A fountain that I made several years ago bubbles happily, although during the warmer months I prefer the sounds outside of my window, singing birds and the wind through the trees. I settle down in the most comfortable chair ever created, although definitely not the most eco-friendly, (its time here is probably limited!) I've surrounded myself with plants, light and uncluttered space. I get comfortable, and then I attempt to still my chatterbox of a mind.
When I started this practice years ago it didn't begin as meditating, it was simply my relaxing time. It was during my panic years, and I found that moving through a tape I had created everyday taught me how to recognize tension in my body, and how to release it, which I find is still helpful to this day. From there, I moved on to guided meditation, Wayne Dyer's Getting In the Gap was my favorite. Now, I guide myself. Clearing my mind isn't always an easy thing, even after several years of daily practice. The mind is fiercely persistent and most days I still find I must reign it in frequently. I realize that doesn't sound very relaxing, but those brief moments of stillness are pure bliss. They keep me searching for more. Those tiny bites are enough to sustain me for an entire day, without them I feel out of balance. Short tempered. Irritable. Whereas if I meditate, those emotions rarely haunt me anymore. Then there are the days where I firmly connect. My spirit is refueled, recharged and I can conquer the world. I feel joy beyond all reason, and peace beyond all sense, life is a delicious adventure. I know that I have found what my spirit had been seeking. I am home.