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| One of my front gardens that recently received a face lift! |
I know it sounds like a terrible cliché, but I read a book several years ago that changed my life. It really was that earthshaking, no exaggeration. I remember where I was sitting, how the room felt, the silence of the house, the lighting. I remember the feelings of fear, trepidation and excitement that I had with each page I turned. At one point I was so rattled I put the book down for the night. I was certain that the next chapter would change the course of my life and I was terrified. I needed a little time to prepare. I felt that a “secret” was being revealed to me – was I ready?
That book was “ A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. It took every misconstrued idea I had about myself and shattered them all. It left me raw, terrified and for the first time in years… hopeful. I bought and shared many copies of this book, unaware at the time that it wasn’t going to speak to everyone as profoundly as it did me. Here is where you'll find that I disagree with Eckhart, I do not believe each of us is here to ‘awaken’ to our true selves, our Spirit selves. We all have different agendas for this journey, and some of us may even need to stay asleep in order to fulfill them. I was simply and joyfully overwhelmed, and spent many mealtimes sharing with my family what new and amazing discoveries I was making. I know now that I needn’t have feared turning those pages. Life unfolds miraculously at precisely the right time. It felt like my life was just beginning.
What did I learn? What sparked this unbelievable transformation? Some of you may already be privy to this, I was not. The knowledge that I’m not who I thought I was all along. I’m not who I spent all of my life (up until that point) identifying with. I am not Melinda, wife, mother, sister, daughter, independent, fiery, short, brunette, dog groomer. I was not any label that I could attach to myself and the ‘me’ I had created up until that point. These labels were a clothing of sorts, a costume or persona I had chosen for this journey. I was/am, simply and beautifully, Spirit. A small piece of a glorious whole, come to experience life as… me.
A New Earth is not a religious book, rather a spiritual one. There are no guidelines, no rules, no requirements to experience bliss in the here and now. It simply implores you to remember, and I did, with unbelievable results.
This may not sound earth-shattering to you, but it was a moment that the truth of my life opened up to me and I finally began, in teeny, tiny increments, to release the fear that had an excruciating hold over my life. At the same time I began to become who I was destined to become since the moment I choose to embark on this journey. I have left behind many old personality choices that no longer serve me, and created my story anew. It fills me with such peace to write these words, knowing all the ‘secrets’ I have uncovered, none of which were secrets at all, simply bits of wisdom waiting for the time to take root. Patiently, as is the way of spirit. What thrills me even more is wondering what secrets are still left to be uncovered?
I’ve most recently learned, (and probably shared with you) that I let my feelings guide me. It’s quite simple when I realized that the spirit part of me is only capable of love, joy, peace, compassion and empathy. Anything else is born of the sneaky ego, or that false sense of who you are.
Knowing this makes life a puzzle you can solve. The days when I find myself irritable or grumpy, I’ve simply forgotten. I need to take the time to reconnect, no matter how busy I am, or how many things clutter my mind. This is but a moment in time, and for it and all others, I choose peace. Even during those moments when peace seems but a dream, as unattainable as the summit of the highest mountain. This is not an easy task, although it does get easier with time and consistent practice. Ego is strong, fierce and wants nothing more than to hang onto the worry and the fear. I still have days where it tricks me into believing. But I am grateful because it has guided me, and now shows me where not to go with each negative feeling, judgment or misguide notion that somehow what is right (or wrong) for me, applies to you, them, the world.
I find the more I embrace my Spirit self and leave behind ego, the more vibrant this life becomes. The easier and more joyful is gets. It’s like I’ve taken off the blinders and all I can see is the beauty, even in the ugliest of situations, the meanest of people, the harshest of judgements. I remember they too signed on for this journey, although with a different destination in mind. The miserable cashier reminds me to have compassion. The reckless driver, patience. A smart aleck teen, love. ;) It reminds me to embrace change, for it always leads to something better, despite the arduous route sometimes needed to get there.
We’re all here wearing our unique costumes, cloaked in ego for a purpose, to serve each other. In doing so many of us uncover and truly know ourselves. Because sometimes you need to choose war, to know peace. You may need to choose hatred, to know love. You may need to choose judgement, to know compassion. I believe we’re all guideposts, beacons, support or shelter for each other on this crazy, bumpy journey.
As you may have guessed, I'm once more being guided. I’ll leave the ‘why’ of this post until the next, I’ve gone on for long enough. As with all my ‘deep’ writings, it was sparked by a guide, someone sent to help me on my way. I’m still picking my way through, with my feelings to direct me. I dig deep and discover what thoughts bring me peace. Joy. Angst. Confusion. Relief. They all direct me with their simplicity. I welcome the peace the answers will bring. Until they don’t. Then I’ll find my way again.
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| Another garden, loved once more. |
I do not mean to imply that my beliefs should apply to your life also. I have learned that if Eckhart hadn’t shared his truth, I wouldn’t be here today. His truth woke me up to my truth. If this stirs anything in you, as his words did in me, then some of your journey may be uncovered among these words and thoughts. Maybe your Spirit is waiting for you to piece together your purpose and who you are truly meant to be. Unless, beautifully, you are already there.
I get the distinct feeling however, that my journey of growing will last me a lifetime, and probably into the next... You'll still be reading posts like this 50 years from now and wondering 'when will she learn?' ;)
Until next time ~ have a wonderful evening! :)
Peace ~ Melinda